Doubts

There are days when I wonder if coming here was a good decision. Was the adventure worth it? Should we have immediately flown home when Mouse was hurt? Nothing has gone as planned. This was supposed to be our great adventure. Unfortunately, in some ways, it has morphed into an incredible nightmare. We were going to travel and explore Australia on my days off from work. We had so many ideas and plans. Instead, we sit in our apartment, watching television or reading books; things we could be doing in the states, at half the expense. There are no camping trips or days at the beach; such excursions are not possible while he’s still on crutches. I’m not one for sitting around and am becoming restless, frustrated. I don’t know how to make it better. Our current situation is no one’s fault. We couldn’t have imagined or planned for any of this. But it’s disheartening, all the same. I thumb through my travel books, wanting for everything we are missing. I want to see koalas, wombats, and crocodiles. I want to go whale watching and dive the Great Barrier Reef. I try to remind myself this is temporary; he’s started physical therapy and we will be able to resume our travels soon. Besides, I try to reason, we need time to settle into our new life, to take in the new city. But some days I just don’t have the energy to be positive. Some days, I’m overcome with disappointment. I’m sure I will forget all of this negativity soon, when we’re back to our old ways, but just for today, I’m letting myself be sad.