I Don't Need A Pity Party

People’s reactions are quite amusing whenever they learn Mouse has been gone since September.  Their jaws drop and eyes pop.  They usually let out some small exclamation of surprise and/or pity.  And they always look incredibly sorry for me.  I can see it in their eyes.  They have this look that says, “Oh, you poor dear.  You’re relationship is over and you don’t even know it.  You must be in denial.”  They might try to mask their thoughts and offer words of support, but it’s always there, just below the surface.  I know what they’re thinking.  I can feel the pity oozing from their pores.  In some ways, I understand.  Our current living arrangement is anything but normal.  Most relationships couldn’t withstand being separated by thousands of miles for an extended period of time.  But, then again, we’re not most people.

We didn’t plan for it to happen this way.  This was supposed to be our adventure, not mine alone.  But life doesn’t always go as planned.  We couldn’t have guessed that he would break his ankle, require a lengthy hospital stay, and an even more lengthy rehabilitation.  But this is exactly what happened and we were forced to deal with the repercussions.  His injury changed everything, so I understood when he was ready to go home.  Thankfully, he also understood that I was not.

It isn’t always been easy being so far apart.  After so many years of living together, and being such an integral part of each other’s everyday lives, his absence can be hard to swallow.  There are days when I miss him so much I feel like my heart is being wrenched from my chest.  There are days when I’m so lonely I’m sure the aching will never dissipate.  But those days are few and far between.  Most of the time, life is good.  I’ve come to appreciate this time to myself and can recognize the benefits of doing some of this on my own.  It’s given me time to reconnect with who I am.  It’s given me time to re-establish my individuality.  And, most importantly, it’s allowed me to forge friendships that I wouldn’t have otherwise.  So, while none of this was planned, it turned out to be a good thing.  I don’t need anyone’s pity.

He’ll be back in just a few days and I’m incredibly excited to see him.  I miss his smile.  I miss his energy.  I have more adventures planned for us and can’t wait to get exploring.  And, even though I fully appreciate these past few months, he is my heart and home, so I can’t wait to share more of my life with him.