Apparently, Summer = Snakes

“Summer has arrived, and that means the snakes are running rampant.”

I had been innocently preparing my evening meal the other night, when this disturbing news was broadcast as a sound bite to promote one of the local news programs.  I didn’t want to believe what I was hearing, but there it was, unmistakably blasting from my television during prime time.  I hoped the anchorman was joking and a punch line would quickly follow.  No such luck.  The joke never came.  Nothing.  He didn’t even smile, so I can only assume he was dead serious.  He continued, providing even more disturbing news.

“Australia is home to thirteen of the world’s deadliest snakes.  Which one can you expect to encounter in your backyard?”

Great.  That’s just what a girl who is deathly afraid of snakes needs to hear.  Not only are the snakes running rampant, but also they’re also deadly.  That’s wonderful.  I know Australia is filled to the brim with the creepy devils.  I had just fooled myself into thinking they stayed far, far away from the city.  (Isn’t that why I pay such steep rent?)

Maybe I should have stayed tuned to learn a little more, but I had heard all the information I need.  Now, I see snakes everywhere.  I see them lurking in the shadows.  I look for them hiding in trees.  And I’m oddly leery of any sticks lying on the ground, half-convinced they might spring up and bite me.

So far, I’ve been lucky.  I haven’t been bitten and haven’t even encountered a live snake.  My workmate wasn’t so lucky, though.  She recently came into work all flustered because an eight-foot python had taken up residence on her front porch the previous night.  Luckily, her neighbor called the snake-removal people, and they were able to catch it, but I can only imagine how frightening that scenario must have been.  I don’t know what my reaction would be if I looked out my window to see a snake that size peering in.  I imagine it would involve some form of uncontrolled panic attack and little bit of pants-peeing.

Realistically, I understand snakes are a part of living in Australia, especially in Queensland.  But the rational side of me cannot make up for my deep-seeded fears.  So, I pray that as summer ensues, my life will continue to be as snake-free as it has been for the past several months.  Because, in my book, no snake is a good snake.