Social Hypocrisy

I am such a hypocrite.  I don’t mean to be, but I can’t help it.  I went out all weekend – a house party on Friday and our ward Christmas party last night – but I don’t like that he’s out tonight.  I know I cannot expect him to stay in when I don’t, but I wish he would.  I wish he weren’t out with his new friends, whooping it up.  I wish he were sitting at home, wallowing in a state of misery, born of missing me.  (A little narcissistic, yes?)

In all honesty, I don’t really have a problem with him being out; it’s just that I am feeling a little miffed.  It may only be a little cocktail party, but he’s there and I’m not, so I’m feeling left out.  It’s silly.  I chose to be here and am happily doing my own thing, but I hate the idea of him having fun without me.  I hate the idea of him meeting new people, creating a new life, and developing a new social circle without me alongside for the ride.  We’ve been together so long now that I had begun to take such things for granted.  But now that were thousands of miles away from each other, it’s all changed.  Now it irks me that I’m not able to do these things with him.  It makes me grumpy knowing he’s laughing and chatting with people I’ve never even met.  Never mind that’s exactly what I was doing all weekend.  Like I said…  I’m a hypocrite.