Emotional Exhaustion

Nursing can be exhausting.  The patients, their families, even the doctors, all take their toll on me.  I can handle the physical exhaustion.  A good night’s sleep is all I need to remedy that.  But the emotional exhaustion is a different story; it doesn’t fade so easily.  It gets to me - it permeates my brain, infects my soul, and drags me down.  It makes me feel so much older than I am.  Yesterday was so thoroughly draining that I could barely pull myself out of bed this morning.  And, as I sit here mulling it over, I still don’t feel right.

Maybe I take things too personally, but it’s hard not to.  I’m supposed to be an advocate for my patients.  How can I do my job when the doctors won’t listen?  I would like to believe they’re the experts and they know what’s best, but I’m afraid this isn’t always the case.  I’m the one who watched this patient slowly deteriorate throughout the day.  I’m the one who saw her slip deeper and deeper into the abyss.  Maybe the doctors are right.  Maybe her symptoms are simply a part of the post-operative healing process, and will resolve of their own volition.  But a nagging suspicion tells me this isn’t so.  I was always taught that medicine should be proactive, not reactive.  So why are they simply waiting for the other shoe to drop?  Why are they happy to let her be until she becomes compromised?  It seems irresponsible. 

Most of the time, I try to avoid comparing American medicine to Australian medicine.  These are vastly different medical systems with vastly different schools of thought.  And, quite honestly, who am I to say which is better than the other?  I don’t have the statistics to prove or disprove either one.  But, as a nurse trained in the American system, it’s gut wrenching to see this type of thing happening.  Maybe my patient wouldn’t fair any better with more aggressive treatment, but I can’t stand feeling so helpless.  It makes me so angry.  But for now, all I can do is watch this situation unfold.  I hope my instinct is wrong.  I hope I go into work today and see that she’s improved.  I hope, I hope, I hope…