My Home Away from Home

I wish I had the energy to write when I'm working. I wish I could muster the determination to sit at my computer for just a few minutes and jot down everything that's going on. There are always so many things I want to write about. I try to take mental note of them as they happen and keep them in the forefront of my brain, but it never seems to work. By the time I get home, I'm too exhausted to eat, let alone write. I use every last bit of energy I have left to shower and decontaminate before collapsing into bed, forgetting everything that means anything.

If I had remembered, I probably would have talked about how strange it was to go back to work here in Cali; how I felt like I was living in a state of deja vu, as I drove up the interstate on Monday. I'm back at a hospital I know well, but never thought I'd walk into again. I had happily said my good-byes, convinced my days at this facility were over. But fate had other plans for me, so there I sat in the parking lot, just prior to my shift, dumbfounded I was really about to start another assignment there.

If I could have summoned the energy, I also would have talked about how genuinely good it felt to be back. This is a busy trauma facility, not in the best of neighborhoods, but something about it resonates within me. It was satisfying to get my hands dirty again, and take on some tough cases. It was even better to be able to get back to working with such a talented (and bawdy) staff. I fell right back into my old routines, as though I had never left. Oddly enough, I really felt like I had returned home.

There are so many other things I could write about. It was a big week, for sure. But it's the little things that are standing out in my mind tonight. Who knows what the next few months will bring? I'm sure I'll have some great stories to tell. If I can only remember to write them down before I drift off to sleep...

Going Back to Cali...

Just when I thought life was beginning to settle down, that I'd finally have a moment to catch my breathe, this had to happen.  It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just that it (i.e. the insanity) never seems to end.  I was happy to be in Denver, to re-visit my old haunts, to ease back into the life I left.  I enjoyed working for my new agency.  I loved reconnecting with old friends.  I had a puppy and a house I loved.  I was content.  But, for whatever reason, the Universe didn't see it that way.  I guess it had other plans for me.

It all started out as an innocent text from a friend, who also happens to be my recruiter.  At first I laughed at the offer, thinking it absurd.  There was no way I could actually consider going back to Cali right now.  I had just gotten back to Denver, and the logistics would be a nightmare.  I would need an affordable place to stay.  I would have to leave my puppy behind.  Plus, Mouse would never go for this.  I texted her "no".  She responded with the offer.  I faltered.  Hmm...

So, after a whirlwind week of Facebook inquiries, text messaging, and one VERY long drive, here I am in SoCal.  None of it seems real to me quite yet.  I left behind one incredibly rambunctious puppy and one incredibly understanding (and supportive) husband.  I can't believe we're back to doing the long-distance thing; I really thought we were done with that.  But, sometimes, life throws us curve-balls, and we have no choice but to play ball.  This is a great opportunity, both financially and career-wise, so I'm glad we're able to make it work.  I always say that life is an adventure; I guess this is just another example of me learning to embrace it.  Denver will still be there when this assignment it over, as will my house, my Mouse, and my puppy.  Welcome back to Cali.

A Whole Lot of Nothing

I have to admit, last week was rough.  I spent more time waiting to be called into work than actually working, which was a monumental waste of time.  (I know, I know… how rough can life be when you live on the beach?  But how can I afford to live on the beach without a paycheck?)

I tried to make the best of it by maintaining a positive attitude and maximizing my beach time, but all of that waiting still took its toll.  It did nothing for my sense of self-worth, and even less for my pocketbook.  I started to feel like a desperate lover, staring at my silent phone, willing it to ring, and bring me the news I was yearning to hear.  But, alas, all of this longing was in vain.  I only managed to nab two shifts, which does not equal a full workweek.

I’m fully aware this is one of the major pitfalls to working agency, and that summertime usually brings a decreased census for all of the local hospitals, thus less work for free-lancers like me, but last week was ridiculous.  And this week isn’t looking much more promising, either.  Last night was lucky, but tonight has only provided more of the same nothingness. Agh!  At this rate, I may have to take up being a beach bum as my official profession.

Back Together, Yet Still Apart

Mouse is out of town, again, and I’m left to mope around the apartment without him.  I know it cannot be helped; in his line of work, travel is inevitable.   He has to go to the auctions, because they certainly cannot come to him.  (And, in all fairness, I was the one out of town last week.)  Still, it doesn’t make me miss him any less.  Since I’ve been back, it feels as though work has taken over our lives.  We’ve both thrown ourselves back into our respective careers, and have seemingly become slaves to our jobs. 

It had to happen, I guess.  Even though I had a full-time job in Australia, we spent the better part of last year traveling.  That kind of lifestyle isn’t really sustainable, and we knew it couldn’t last forever.  So, now that we’re both stateside, life has become much less adventurous and much more practical.  And, for the most part, neither of us object.  Our careers are important, and we and recognize the necessity of putting in the time to succeed.  It’s just a little frustrating when our schedules require us to spend more time apart than together. 

More often than not, we feel like ships passing in the night.  Even if we both are in town, we count ourselves lucky to steal a few minutes together as my day is ending and his is beginning. Between my night shifts and his demanding schedule, it’s nearly impossible to spend much time together.  It can be a frustratingly lonely existence.  The irony of the whole situations is that I left Australia largely because I missed him.  But now that we’re living together again, I’m still missing him.  What a ridiculous situation.  It just doesn’t seem fair.

All Rested Up with Nowhere to Go

As much as I enjoy agency work, the one aspect of it that really sucks is that work is never a guarantee.  Most of the time, this isn’t a problem.  Hospitals are chronically short-staffed, so I can usually pick up a shift whenever I desire.  Tonight is one of those rare occasions, though, when no one needed me.  So, here I sit, wondering what to do with my evening off.  Mouse is away on a business trip, so I’m left to fend for myself.  Since I thought I would be working tonight, I got a full day’s sleep.  Now I’m fully rested and wondering what to do with all of my energy.  Retiring to bed is not an option.  I feel like I should be productive, like I should be getting important things done; I’m just not sure what those things are.  I guess I’ll probably fall into my typical pattern of wedding planning, which is an addictive habit I’ve formed.  Maybe the continuous viewing of wedding blogs will either inspire me or lull me to sleep.  A girl can only hope…