All About Bob

I’d like you to meet my new neighbor, Bob.  I didn’t even know he was planning on moving into the complex, until this morning when he made his presence known.  I was minding my own business, sitting indoors on my couch and chatting on the phone, when something from outside caught my eye.  I could see that it was huge and prayed it wasn’t a spider.  No such luck.  There he was, staring me down from his palatial web, situated disconcertingly close to the ledge of my second-floor balcony.  Even from a distance, I could see he looked mean.  So, I decided to do a little research to find out exactly how mean he was. 

Turns out, Bob is most likely a Golden Orb Weaver spider.  (I’m not going to get close enough to check his markings for verification, though.)  It also turns out that Bob is most likely a Barb, as the female Golden Orb Weavers are the larger of the species and eat their mates.  (Sorry, dear!)  They have sharp fangs and are slightly poisonous to humans; their venom carries a neurotoxin that is more likely to hurt us than kill us (think black widow spider strength).  Luckily, most Golden Orb Weavers aren’t too interested in humans.  They would rather dine on large insects and small birds.  (Yes – they are known to trap and eat small birds.  That’s how big these guys are!)  I’m hoping Bob stays true to his upbringing and is content to observe me from afar because, quite frankly, he gives me the willies.  I wish I could ask him to leave, or even file a complaint with my landlord, but I doubt it will do any good.  Bob is probably going to stay until he is good and ready to go, or until his web is ruined and he is forced to relocate.  I’m just hoping that when this happens, he doesn’t decide to take up residence on my balcony, as that would be cause for me to relocate.