I have to admit, I’m not the most fun person to be around these days. With less than two weeks left, I’m a wreck. I cry at the drop of the hat. I become hysterical multiple times a day. I’m anxious and skittish. And I’ve started to yell ALL THE TIME. (Not at any one person in particular, mind you, just at the world, because it seems like the best way to release my frustrations.) Let’s face it, I’ve become a melodramatic shell of my former self. Being around me is like being on an emotional roller coaster, with no end in sight. I’m exhausted just listening to myself, so I can only imagine how draining it must be for Mouse, or anyone else in close proximity to me.
I know I’m not inherently the calmest person, but I’m not usually this bad. It’s like a psychotic goblin has taken up residence inside of me and is making me crazy. This isn’t me, it’s this wedding; it’s finally getting to me. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not having second thoughts about saying, “I do”. (Although Mouse may be, thanks to my recent psychosis.) I’m just wishing we had opted to elope.
I thought I would avoid all of this stress by keeping it simple. I thought by shunning all of the “muss and fuss”, I was doing it right. No bridesmaids to please. No groomsmen to fret about. No seating arrangements to agonize over. Yet, even the most simple of plans can unravel, and it seems mine are. Nothing is going the way it should. My family is throwing me curve balls. My dream venue is becoming a nightmare. And on top of all that, I just have dozens of little DIY projects to finish. It’s just too much, but I’m too far invested to call it quits now. I have no choice, I just have to battle through this, keep on crafting, and hope I come out on the other side smiling and enjoying my wedding day.
Maybe this is what I get for being so cocky, for thinking I had everything figured out. Maybe this is life’s way of teaching me I’m not better than anybody else. I used to hear other bride-to-be’s freaking out, and think they drama queens, but now I understand. No matter how big or small, how casual or formal, a wedding is a special event and people put enormous pressure on themselves to make it “just right”. I’m trying to give myself permission to let go, and to remember that everything will work out in the end. After all, it is only a trumped-up party. After my first glass of champagne, none of this current nonsense will seem to matter.
