In a Haze

After working a couple of nights in a row, I wake up from my daytime slumber in somewhat of a fog.  My sleep cycle has been thoroughly turned upside down, and it’s difficult for my brain to kick itself into gear.  I feel like a slug, both inside and out.  These are the days when I want nothing more than to curl up under a blanket and zone out in front of the TV.  But these are the days it’s most important for me to run.

My runs are supposed to be refreshing.  They’re meant to wake me up, to sharpen my thinking.  And, on most days, they do just that.  With every step I take, my mood lightens and I bring myself just a smidge closer to reality.  But today’s run was different.  It did almost the exact opposite, more like a backslide into the stupor of my dreams. 

I blame it on the fog, which was already rolling in, thick and cold, as I took my first steps and began finding my stride.  Its density was impressive, blurring the lines between land, water, and sky.  My usual landmarks were obscured beyond recognition.  The entire beach seemed distant and muted.  It was disorienting, feeling so lost in what should be familiar territory.  That haziness and uncertainty settled into my psyche, just as the cold penetrated my skin.  I didn’t feel refreshed at all, but rather like I was being held in some sort of trance.  It wasn’t until I walked through our front door and into the welcoming warmth of our little beach bungalow that I knew for sure I was truly awake.  What a strange way to begin my day…

Brain Freeze

 I knew I was in trouble the moment I stepped into the water.  It was early Saturday morning, only minutes before the start of the Palm Springs triathlon.  I needed to warm up before the gun went off, but the waters of Lake Cahullia were breathtakingly cold, chilling me to the bone as soon as they made contact with my skin.  Who did I think I was kidding?  No matter how many strokes I got in pre-race, I wasn’t going to warm up.  If anything, every cell of my body was slowing to a complete halt every moment I spent in that water.  I’m pretty sure my well-worn wetsuit wasn’t doing me any favors, either.  I might as well have been treading naked in Artic waters for as much protection it was providing me.  The frigid water poured into each and every tear, giving me the sensation of being held down in an ice bath.  It was painful.  I was fighting back the panic.

I don’t remember many specifics from the swim, besides struggling to find a good breathing pattern and barely feeling my arms as they pushed through the water.  I do remember the relief I felt when I looked over to find my friend swimming next to me though.  And, of course, I remember feeling even more relief when I realized our swim was over.

I wish I could say that, after exiting the water, I was in the clear, but nothing could be further from the truth.  Now I had to deal with the aftermath of spending thirty-plus minutes in such bitter conditions.  If I’ve ever been close to hypothermia, this was it.  My body felt like a block of ice and my extremities took the form of foreign, frozen bodies.  There was a disconnect between what I wanted them to do and what they were actually doing.  Try as I might, I couldn’t get my wetsuit off.  I knew I needed to hook my thumbs around the fabric around my ankle, but all I could do was sit and shake.  It was like being caught in the middle of a really bad dream.  The world was coming at me in slow motion, and I couldn’t figure a way out of this dilemma.  Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, my hands began to function again, and I was able to get out of my wetsuit, into my bike shoes, and out of the transition area.

The remainder of the race went by unremarkably, as the majority of races do.  At the time, I’m giving it my all, focused on pushing through the pain, and trying to bike/run as fast as I can.  Afterwards, I wonder if that was truly my best effort, or if I could have pushed just a little bit harder.  The only observation worth mentioning is that both the bike and run were personal records, coming in at significantly faster times than previous races.

Now I’m giving myself a couple of days off and nursing all of the muscles that are thoroughly fatigued from Saturday’s effort.  Of course, by “time off” I mean hiking Mt San Jacinto yesterday and yoga today, but relaxation is a relative term.   Right?

A Very Disappointing Week

Last week wasn’t exactly a stellar week.  In fact, it was downright miserable.  It started off well enough, hiking the trail to The Bridge to Nowhere with Mary and little Miss Olivia on Monday.  But then I went back to work Tuesday night, which is when things began to take a turn for the worse.  It’s not that work itself was to blame for my woes.  In fact, both shifts went by fairly unremarkably, as far as patient assignments go.  Nope, my descent into misery can only be attributed to my own body betraying me.

It all started with a sniffle and a sneeze.  I thought it could be allergies.  But then the sniffles and sneezes progressed to a sore throat, which progressed to a nose so runny, you could have mistaken it for a faucet.  By Thursday morning, all I could think of was crawling into bed and hiding from the rest of the world.  And that is exactly what I did.  For three days, I shut out the rest of the world and slept, waking occasionally to blow my nose, ingest some Tylenol and other cold remedies, and sip on soup.  Nuclear war could have erupted and I would have been none the wiser.  I didn’t emerge from my cocoon of blankets and Kleenex until last night, when it was finally time for me to go back to work.

What really irks me about the whole situation is that I had major plans for the week.  I was going clean.  I was going to organize.  I was going to tackle a couple of projects that I had been putting off.  Instead, I succumbed to sickness and did nothing more than bury my head under the covers, wasting my time off.  Like I said, it wasn’t the best week.  Let’s hope this week doesn’t follow suit.

A Well-Deserved Apology

And then, there are days like today, where you couldn’t convince me of fall’s presence, no matter how hard you tried.  It’s ninety degrees and sunny, without a cloud in the sky.  It’s like summer, all over again.  (But better, because there are no tourists to share it with!)  Maybe this is Mother Nature’s apology for last week’s downright dreary weather, or her peace offering for the June Gloom.  Whatever the reason for this turn of luck and return to climatic perfection, I’m taking full advantage.  I’ve already got my bikini on and am headed down to the beach for some lazing.  What an idyllic way to spend an October afternoon!

Rude Awakening

Until today, I’ve been in complete denial that fall is upon us.  I know Labor Day is long gone, and the summer tourists have deserted our beach, but nothing else, thus far, has truly indicated the summer months are actually over.  (Save for the Halloween decorations that have dominated the grocery store aisles since July.  But, I digress.)  After all, just this past weekend, Mouse and I took the kayaks on a camping/paddling excursion where we donned our suits and played in the waves every day.  (Trip report to follow soon.)  And the weekend before that, I was in Sequoia National Park, on a camping and canyoneering trip, where I rappelled into waterfalls and swam through pristine mountain pools.  (And, yes, this trip report will also follow soon.)  Do either of these sound like fall activities?  I think not. 

It’s been weekends like these, along with the constant sunshine and heavenly SoCal weather, which have permitted me to live in denial for so long.  For heaven's sake, we still play bocce ball on the beach and ride our cruisers down the boardwalk, which are most certainly not fall activities!  But today, Mother Nature decided she’d had enough of playing nice and forced me into a rude awakening.  Today, I was welcomed into my day via gray skies and pouring rain.  So, now I know it’s official.  Fall is here.  My summer on the beach has ended.  What a bummer of a way to start my week.  (And for those who would like to point out that it’s actually Wednesday, I would like to point out that I’m working the weekend, so today is the beginning of my work week.  Bleh.)